A Word: Love, miraculously described in text Part 1

I’ve been talking a bit about what love is, and I realized it is often very hard to really know if you are in love or not. Here is my allegorical explanation to hopefully express the exact emotions that are felt while in love. It may not be complete, nor the best description, but it is all I can do with the words that are given to us.

Roland Barthes probably put it best, “To try and write love is to confront the muck of language: that region of hysteria where language is both too much and too little, excessive and impoverished.” That hysteria began with Joseph Addison’s three grand essentials to happiness in this life: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.

My something to do began at the base of a deadly mountain, chilling in the shadow of the day, blistering with its roar, and ravage with its wispy nails cutting through your skin from the days of hardened defense. This mountain was like none other in the world, millions had attempted it throughout the history of the human race, but only few had ever reached the summit. Some have said the mountain can see within your soul, and if there is not clarity between your mind and heart, death will be your fate. With this in mind I set each foot one after another into the glossy flakes of ice beneath. Empty air slithered into my lungs and grabbed at me.

The base where I was just an hour before, turned black and appeared to disappear away. Stunned I gazed beyond the windows of my mind, a hook seemed to be deep within my heart pulling away everything I had ever felt. Hesitantly I took a few more steps. All of me felt heavy as I sank into the powder. All the white, washed over my eyes. I awoke floating away from the crater in the snow I had just left. Nothing had ever felt this way deep within, my mind was airy, but my heart was light. After that there was nothing but the mountain, and a climb to fill my heart of something greater than myself.

In the first day I had made it a minuscule way up. Loneliness set in as the first night approached. Only embers from the fire kept warmth to my body. Very little flame ever glittered away from the ashes, the source that was the mountain kept its hold upon the throat of the fire. Every story I heard was true, and the rest of this summit was only to get harder. Yearning the next morning from the dream I had while asleep in the snowy mountain, I began to furiously climb. Only briefly would I stop to catch my breathe. Unknown to me at the beginning of my journey was that this mountain was not a wild animal, or beast from mythical stories, but a lady. A lady of the greatest nature, the chilling wind was like her dark flowing hair, the snow like the softness of her skin, and the rocks like the strength she had to control you, death or life. Days and days went by, the lady of the mountain threw her fortitude at me, and my heart began to fall in love with the challenge and the grace.

A barrier of thick dark clouds still stood within my sight and the tip of the mountain. I fought with ever part of the mountain. Tears from the blinding snow would freeze on my cheek, and each crevice would daunt my hope to continue further. My heart began to fill, even with my mind more cautious than ever, protecting me from every bend in the slim curves of the woman beneath. As each day was a challenge more unlike the previous day, I soon found my something to love. Each night I held dreams of this mountain, with the tender woman beneath the raging facade. I awoke each morning with great strength throughout. My love for the mountain grew, and my mind became more at ease with the treacherous cliffs and slippery grains beneath my footwear. Weeks passed and it was as if I danced upon the curves and twists of the young lady, making my way towards the dark clouds that were chopping off the view to the peak.

Shortly afterward, I began my assent into the darkness that guarded the summit. Black waves ensued, crashing into my core. Turquoise lightning struck, and I felt I could see the eyes of the mountain, fear striking within me. All the while my mind still lay caution to my heart, of the harm that lay ahead. The peak grew in my sight, and what seemed to be the light from a burning white sun, lay just beyond the other side. Naturally, love is a most distant possibility. That held true as the peak never seemed to get closer. I tried and I fell, tumbling down tearing my skin on the exposed rock, many times I could not reach the top.

I lay one night, and again I had a dream, this dream gave the key to achieving the summit, but in the dream that key would mean the death of me. My final assent to the top would be this day. The cold of below left, and a heat and sharpness began tearing away the bonds I had on for the piercing cold. Finally, I had found what I could hope for, with my mind letting down its final defense it molded with my heart in the love for this mountain, my heart felt something great, and my mind was more clear than ever. What I could hope for was to reach the summit with a heart and mind full of love.

My Hollywood Relationship: Part 2 The Story Continues

Alright here it is, part 2 of the what will seem to be a rather long series. There is a lot to say about this last relationship and it will lead to a lot of what I am going to talk about in my future posts, which will start to get more and more realistic and cynical. If you haven’t read part 1, do it so now, right here.

Two days later class commenced, right on schedule just as the class prior did, and once again the seemingly nonchalant, calm student walked in late, with a smoothie and granola bar in his left hand. He proceeded to sit next to his good friend, in the one open seat that was available. To get to that seat he had to swiftly move to the complete opposite end of the room, crossing right in front of the dumbstruck professor, and the entire class. Most would have thought this embarrassment would have resulted in some change of behavior, or maybe a feeling of wanting to be invisible. Neither were present as he, tore open his granola bar, crumpling the paper as the professor continued his lecture. Occasionally, he would get quick glances from the other students, some in disgust, others with confusion, and some to just cut their endless stare at the board. The one, ever beautiful girl with her rich, red converse never bothered to look over though, much to his disappointment.Walk to Remember

As the hour passed, nothing else seemed to change. A couple gulps later, the granola bar was washed down, and the smoothie dripped the last of the fruity juice, as he licked the cap clean. Again, the students got up at the end of class and went about, slowly walking on to the rest of their days. The deep, sweet honey brown eyes of the girl never once meeting the friendly green eyes of the class clown.

This process repeated, time and time again, with the only change being the flavor of the smoothie or the snack being munched on, whether it was beef jerky, a granola bar, corn nuts, or chex mix. Never once did, the two share a word, no matter how small or simple.

They each had their own lives to attend to, his was track and school, always practicing and doing homework, and the occasional party on the weekends. Hers was trying to graduate early, and enjoy the fun times she had partying with friends.

Few thoughts of one another ever passed through their heads, and they seemed as distant as any two individuals could be. They didn’t even know each others names, or anything about one another. Even though he felt a strong, unknown attraction to her, he didn’t think much of it, thinking that it was merely physical. Without knowing he continued to live the single life, few guy friends, and what seemed to be a host of girl friends. He wasn’t looking for a relationship, hadn’t been since the new year began. He had a bit of a meaningful fling at the end of the year prior, and they had continued it over the summer, but he did not make the effort to continue it once school started again.

At this point he wasn’t even really sure whether he could feel any emotional attachment to another person. It didn’t matter, he went out, met plenty more girls, cute, interesting, and fun, but no one truly special. A few weeks in, he attended a party with a girl that caught his eye, even though he was already waiting, and planning to spend the night with a different girl. This girl had long black hair, and brown eyes. They spent the night dancing, and enjoying themselves, and ended up with a couple other friends, talking late into the early morning. They spent the night together, and the next day was awkward, but they got through it and started to hang out.

Eventually, these two started to date, and seemed inseparable. They shared many interests, and had much to talk about. He was happy, she was happy. However, each time he would attend class there would be something pulling on his heart strings. Every time he looked at the petite, beautiful girl with the honey brown eyes, and cute button nose he felt a yearning, because it was not her that he was with.

Weeks in, they had still yet to speak, and maybe exchanged a glance once or twice only for a fraction of a second. There was no real reason he should feel this way about another person, having never spoken a single word, but it was palpable.