A Word: Love, miraculously described in text Part 1

I’ve been talking a bit about what love is, and I realized it is often very hard to really know if you are in love or not. Here is my allegorical explanation to hopefully express the exact emotions that are felt while in love. It may not be complete, nor the best description, but it is all I can do with the words that are given to us.

Roland Barthes probably put it best, “To try and write love is to confront the muck of language: that region of hysteria where language is both too much and too little, excessive and impoverished.” That hysteria began with Joseph Addison’s three grand essentials to happiness in this life: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.

My something to do began at the base of a deadly mountain, chilling in the shadow of the day, blistering with its roar, and ravage with its wispy nails cutting through your skin from the days of hardened defense. This mountain was like none other in the world, millions had attempted it throughout the history of the human race, but only few had ever reached the summit. Some have said the mountain can see within your soul, and if there is not clarity between your mind and heart, death will be your fate. With this in mind I set each foot one after another into the glossy flakes of ice beneath. Empty air slithered into my lungs and grabbed at me.

The base where I was just an hour before, turned black and appeared to disappear away. Stunned I gazed beyond the windows of my mind, a hook seemed to be deep within my heart pulling away everything I had ever felt. Hesitantly I took a few more steps. All of me felt heavy as I sank into the powder. All the white, washed over my eyes. I awoke floating away from the crater in the snow I had just left. Nothing had ever felt this way deep within, my mind was airy, but my heart was light. After that there was nothing but the mountain, and a climb to fill my heart of something greater than myself.

In the first day I had made it a minuscule way up. Loneliness set in as the first night approached. Only embers from the fire kept warmth to my body. Very little flame ever glittered away from the ashes, the source that was the mountain kept its hold upon the throat of the fire. Every story I heard was true, and the rest of this summit was only to get harder. Yearning the next morning from the dream I had while asleep in the snowy mountain, I began to furiously climb. Only briefly would I stop to catch my breathe. Unknown to me at the beginning of my journey was that this mountain was not a wild animal, or beast from mythical stories, but a lady. A lady of the greatest nature, the chilling wind was like her dark flowing hair, the snow like the softness of her skin, and the rocks like the strength she had to control you, death or life. Days and days went by, the lady of the mountain threw her fortitude at me, and my heart began to fall in love with the challenge and the grace.

A barrier of thick dark clouds still stood within my sight and the tip of the mountain. I fought with ever part of the mountain. Tears from the blinding snow would freeze on my cheek, and each crevice would daunt my hope to continue further. My heart began to fill, even with my mind more cautious than ever, protecting me from every bend in the slim curves of the woman beneath. As each day was a challenge more unlike the previous day, I soon found my something to love. Each night I held dreams of this mountain, with the tender woman beneath the raging facade. I awoke each morning with great strength throughout. My love for the mountain grew, and my mind became more at ease with the treacherous cliffs and slippery grains beneath my footwear. Weeks passed and it was as if I danced upon the curves and twists of the young lady, making my way towards the dark clouds that were chopping off the view to the peak.

Shortly afterward, I began my assent into the darkness that guarded the summit. Black waves ensued, crashing into my core. Turquoise lightning struck, and I felt I could see the eyes of the mountain, fear striking within me. All the while my mind still lay caution to my heart, of the harm that lay ahead. The peak grew in my sight, and what seemed to be the light from a burning white sun, lay just beyond the other side. Naturally, love is a most distant possibility. That held true as the peak never seemed to get closer. I tried and I fell, tumbling down tearing my skin on the exposed rock, many times I could not reach the top.

I lay one night, and again I had a dream, this dream gave the key to achieving the summit, but in the dream that key would mean the death of me. My final assent to the top would be this day. The cold of below left, and a heat and sharpness began tearing away the bonds I had on for the piercing cold. Finally, I had found what I could hope for, with my mind letting down its final defense it molded with my heart in the love for this mountain, my heart felt something great, and my mind was more clear than ever. What I could hope for was to reach the summit with a heart and mind full of love.

My Hollywood Relationship: Part 9 The Storm

At this point in the story, my whole life seemed to be perfect. I was starting a great tech company, I had the girl of my dreams, and I could not be happier with the love that we shared together. To sum it up, life was absolutely perfect, and looking back on it, to this day I think those were the happiest few months of my entire life. I can only wish that any point in the future can hold that great of happiness. Enough with the sappiness though, it is time for the storm clouds to roll in and put an end to all this sunshine. Enter stage left, the rain cloud, give me a few good lightning strikes, and bring on the thunder. I hope you have a comfy seat and are buckled in, because we are in for some turbulence.

Part 1, 2, 3, 3.2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 to get caught up on where we are at with this story.

 

Eventually she returned to Japan, and he returned to California, and they began the long journey and process of staying connected and in love until they saw each other again. Probably the most meaningful and dedicated thing they did, was to write one blog post about a quote or question they selected. This was quite the process, but it allowed them to learn more about one another in those four months than they ever learned about any other person. It showed true compassion for their relationship to go through that each and every night, and to share so much, with such strength or character and honesty.

The first three months, even though spent apart seemed to be going amazingly. The love that was being shared each and everyday was palpable, and incredibly touching. They were more in love than ever, and the intense happiness that they felt during the semester prior, and the wonderful memories they shared together seemed to continue deep into the summer, even while thousands of miles away. Until all at once it changed, and those feelings of happiness and love came to an abrupt end.

Those final couple of weeks seemed to drag on forever. Happiness and love turned into arguing, hurtful things being said, and little affection being shown. It all began with her disappearing one day, and they did not speak. When she finally responded back he was about to lay his head on his pillow and drift off into sleep, worrying about her, and her safety. Turns out she was fine, but didn’t want to talk to him anymore. Tensions were building, and pressure was being pushed on her for finding a job and starting a career. Apparently that left him as a second thought, one that she would return to without actual feelings of whether she wanted to still be with him. Their love, once an amazing tower, built strong and tall, now left laying in shambles, torn down, and left in a mess of rubble. He was left speechless, his seemingly weakening heart hurting more than it ever had. What had happened? He was not sure, and maybe she wasn’t either, but how would he know?

He had waited all summer for her to come back and be reunited with him, and now it seemed like that moment would, and shouldn’t ever happen. When the day arrived, he got into his car and made sure to get to the airport early so that he wouldn’t run into traffic, and he wouldn’t make her wait if she got there early. He had a whole romantic evening by the beach planned for when she returned, but he didn’t know if it would actually be worth it at this point, with her not even sure if they should still be together. Sadly, and almost pathetically, he was still confident in being with her, and that made it even harder for him to bear seeing her.Dust Storm Bringing in the Problems

He pulled into the terminal and there she was with her luggage in hand. They hugged, and kissed and seemed happy enough to see each other, but the feeling they had before just was not the same. He decided to continue on his romantic plan anyway, hoping that it would reignite that flame they shared just four months prior. It was a nice night out, but it wasn’t perfect like he dreamed. It led to arguing and wondering where they were actually headed, but they still managed to have a good enough time together.

It was the many weeks after that, that would prove the most difficult. All he wanted was his sweetheart back, the one he called the one, the one he loved with no end. She on the other hand thought herself to be a newly awakened individual, who didn’t want anyone by her side and no one to love. To him that was alarming, he was still reeling from the fact that everything changed 180 degrees in such a short period of time.

She was confused, about who she was, what she really wanted and where they would be headed. In just a couple months she would be headed back to Japan permanently. That would be an entirely different challenge. He knew she was struggling though, and he did absolutely everything he possibly could to make sure she was happy again, and loved him like she used to. At this point there was no happiness, no love, no affection. It was a struggle to get anywhere with the relationship and it was nearing it’s end. At any moment he thought that he would give up, and just consider the relationship to be a lost cause, but he kept going, doing absolutely everything he possibly could to make her happy.

She was not sure she wanted to continue the relationship when she returned to Japan, but he was confident they could do it. They just had to get through each week, step by step. He took her out often, and tried to do special things as much as he could to help her cope with everything, and experience the many great things that life had to offer. The first major milestone was making it to his best friends wedding when they would return to Colorado for a few days to celebrate in the love of marriage and a child, and strong friendship. That seemed to be a rejuvenating moment in their relationship, and things were back on track, but not the same as they used to be. It would take more time for them to really get back to what would be close to how they were before.

After the brief road trip they had together to visit his dad, and the time they spent in Colorado with his friends things really started to seem to get back to normal and she seemed happy again. It had taken a toll on him though. The endless effort made him exhausted. He still loved her dearly, but he just hoped that she would realize how much time he spent trying to help her get through those tough times. They finally seemed happy together, once again. Now there was just one month left in the semester and they had to make the best of it. He had done everything out of love, but now six months of a struggling relationship made him the skeptical one about what would happen when they left one another for potentially two years. Interestingly enough she was the one who was the one who wanted to make it work when they separated again. He did too, but knew that it was going to be very hard, and he needed to recharge his batteries soon. In this last month things seemed to be great again, and it all was happy. The scars were still there from the summer, but the strong happiness and endless love seemed to be back again. Just as his batteries were getting recharged, his trust was broken again, just two weeks before they would be separated indefinitely.

My Hollywood Relationship: Part 8 The Long Separation

As you may have read from my earlier posts, everything in this rather Hollywood romance story, has been just peachy and full of happiness. However, as with any great Oscar winning film, there must be a major climax, and some major problem that happens between the two lovers. Unbeknownst to them, it is time for that turn in the story, even when everything seems to be falling into place perfectly. Plot line for a story

Part 1, 2, 3, 3.2, 4, 5, 6, 7 for your enjoyment.

Heading into the summer they tried to spend as much time together as possible. It was the most amazing semester the two of them had ever had, and they never felt happier in their lives. They also began to talk about what the next four months apart held for them. They were going to try their best to make it through it, but she warned that she did not do well with long distance, and he wasn’t known for being the best either. Despite that fact though, they were committed to making it work and being at their happiest ever, they were going to stop at nothing to make it work.

The end of the year approached and it was a sad time, another bitter sweet time. Capping off the end to one of the greatest experiences of their lives, but getting ready to begin a new long and seemingly grueling strain of unending longing for one another. They said their long goodbyes at the airport, kissed passionately and then he left to go back home, and she returned to school until she would leave to go back home.

As a whim though, she decided she would come spend some time in his home state, and home town with him. He could not be happier, and he was waiting to tell her something that he had been thinking about ever since he had that flash about their future together. He wasn’t sure she felt the same way though, or whether or not she would accept how he felt and not leave him right then and there. When she arrived, it was amazing. They went to all the places that were so meaningful to him, and she saw the place of where all his stories and experiences originated from. She saw the final pieces of him, and really put it all together to see him for exactly who he was, is, and will be. He completely let her in, and he felt ecstatic about it.

A couple days later, as they were laying together in the small pullout couch at his mom’s house, he told her exactly what he had been thinking about. He told her everything about how he wanted a family with her, and how he never felt that about anyone else, and how he knew that she was the one, the one that you see in every romantic comedy film to come out of Hollywood. She was his fairytale ending. She harbored similar feelings for him, and they both lay there, tightly pressed against one another, staring deeply into the eyes of the other, with nothing but love surrounding them.

The last days she spent with him were amazing, everything that they had ever imagined. Unfortunately, this time they approached the the airport it would be a long time before they ever were able to hug, kiss, or share in a loving stare as they fell asleep next to each other, happy. These next months would be some of the most difficult for them, but they didn’t quite know just how it would end.

My Hollywood Relationship: Part 6 The One

As a little teaser, this is the part in the story where everything starts to click. Everything seems to be picture perfect, and without end, the quintessential Hollywood moment when it appears that it cannot get any better. It is truly amazing how it all works out though, and gives you a warm feeling from head to toe.

Part 1, 2, 3, 3.2, 4, 5 are all here.

 

He met her at the airport, and could not have been happier. Seeing her there, for the first kiss of the new year, that he had waited so long for was amazing. All the while he wondered if she felt the same way, it was not love yet, but it was something immensely strong. From there on out, each night they spent together, cuddled closely in the thin beds to express their affection, and what seemed to be an undying need, and sincere want for one another.

They were not a couple that expressed their feelings for one another as outwardly as many other couples did, but there was a smoldering ember inside both of them, incredibly hot, but not a big fire that would eventually go out. This made them special, not just to one another, but in general as this was a relationship that was binding and long lasting, mentally, physically, intellectually, and emotionally.

Happiness would be the word to describe the many moments and days that followed. Everything seemed perfect, as if Heaven were something that was actually here on earth and only shared between the two of them. In everything they did with one another they had fun, and enjoyed one another thoroughly. They each had their own things to do, and were busy, but at the end of the night they knew where they were laying there heads, and it was next to one another in pure happiness. In that time span there really couldn’t have been anything better, it was life as it should be.Perfect Home White Picket Fence

Love began to be present in their thoughts, something that seemed almost impossible, but that slowly and surely crept up into the front of their minds and began to surround their hearts. Valentine’s Day was approaching, and he knew he wanted to do something that had never been done before to show her just how much he cared. It took some time for him to think of how to do something above and beyond what could be imagined.

At last he had the idea, and just needed to execute. He didn’t have much time because of his schedule but he made it work. He borrowed his friends car and rushed to the store to buy a dozen roses. Now, he wasn’t simply going to hand the roses to her and wish her a happy Valentine’s Day, he was going to do something much more special, and meaningful. He wanted to do something that would make Hollywood proud. For that he called up another friend of his, and had her let him into her dorm. Once there, he took his first rose, and plucked the petals one by one. Laying a trail of petals from the front door of her dorm to the front door of her room. It wasn’t a quick process, and it took three roses just to have enough petals to get all the way there. He then went outside to wait for her to return, and proceeded to wait another half hour until she walked up. He was beaming, and he could tell she was excited to see what was in store for her. He handed her the bouquet of the nine roses still left, and they walked inside. When she opened the door she witnessed the deep red trail of petals, like a scene from a movie, leading all the way to her room. At her room, laying on the ground was a card, explaining the significance of the roses and why there was a trail of petals. At that moment it was the highlight of their relationship, and each thought that love really was approaching, as unlikely as it had seemed a few months ago.

To her, all of this seemed oddly foretold, as he explained month by month where her life would go and how it would be, and as of Valentine’s it all seemed to becoming true to her amazement. Could he really see what lay in the future, or was he just so dedicated to making it happen, that he would stop at nothing. It really was untold, but they knew that there must be something in the stars that began to align right.

 

A few weeks later they were out playing volleyball together. A nice beautiful evening, the sun just beginning to cast a shadow on the lawn, they could feel the grass begin to cool. On one errant pass, he hit the ball past her, and as she turned to bound away after it, the future seemed to flash before his eyes. It was a glimpse of a life with her, their perfect home, a beautiful family, the backyard they would play in, in the future, and everything seemed right. After just a second, the flash returned to real life, and she came running back with the ball in hand. He smiled sweetly at her, and they continued to pepper back and forth. It was in that moment when he realized that he was in fact, falling madly in love with her. Nothing like anything before.

Shortly after that happened to him, something similar happened to her while they were having and intimate moment together. It was late at night, and they were pressed tightly against one another, lips locked, the warmth of one another’s skin passing effortlessly between each other. She suddenly stopped, caught in her tracks. To him it seemed like he had done something wrong, the intimate moment seemed to end, but to her it was the moment when she fully realized she had fallen for him. She let him in, he was now a piece of her, and although it made her feel vulnerable, it made her feel warm and happy from within.

The Check List: Women aren’t the only ones who make them

The “check list” that little piece of paper or mental construction of the perfect mate. Every guy knows that each girl he will come in contact with has that list, and she will check it twice to make sure if he is naughty or nice. Let us be real though, guys have the same type of list. It might happen to have a few more notes on there that relate directly to the physical traits of the one sitting across the soft candle lit table, but any guy looking for love has many other items on the list that will make or break any legitimate chance the unsuspecting woman has in producing his offspring.

Guys, I know what you are thinking, “Yeah right, guys don’t have a list like that, that is for women only.” Right, sure it is. Maybe we just don’t think about it as black and white as the opposite sex, but it is definitely there. Let me pose this scenario for you, you are a mega jock, perhaps an average IQ at best, into everything sports, macho, and sweaty. You like to be the alpha dog, and you are the big name quarter back from your college. Enter, a lovely, sophisticated lady, independent, very intelligent, and doesn’t care what so ever about the fact that you can bench her and her friend combined. She reads the Wall Street Journal every morning, while you flip through the latest edition of Sports Illustrated. This lady is potentially not the most beautiful and is disgusted by the alcohol on your breathe while passing through the quad. You are not going to choose this young lass as the one you repopulate the earth with. That long legged, busty blonde on the cheer squad? Yeah, you are bedding her tonight. That girl meets your list, the smart lady doesn’t. However, for that soon to be CPA at Deloitte, with the well groomed dark hair, and the sharp square glasses, the busty blonde doesn’t cut it, he wants miss independent. Again, that meets his list.

Fifty Shades of Grey cover photo

Fifty Shades of Grey

So guys, now tell me you haven’t thought about the perfect woman. Let me get to my next fact though, what are the chances that you will ever find that perfect woman? I have been thinking about this quite a lot recently, and I admittedly hold high standards for the women that I date. Some guys might hold unbelievably high physical standards, others might hold incredibly high standards of integrity and career prospects, so are we destined to forever have to settle. That might be the case. So let me list my list, and we shall begin our discussion.

First thing I look for in any woman is physical attraction. Let’s be real, no matter how much we say that looks really don’t matter, it does. Women, that goes for you too. You aren’t going to give some acne faced geek, with no muscles a second look when there is a heard of handsome, 18 inch biceps, square jawed men headed your way. This may be different from person to person, but it is there none the less. I like my woman to have a nice face, athletic, fit, and generally pretty slender. Don’t give me that look like I am looking for a disgustingly thin super model, I do not condone unhealthy treatment of your body to fit an impossible image. However, I do like someone who can match my level of fitness and health, that is what I find attractive. Big breasts or not, that doesn’t so much matter to me, callipygian or not, I just look for the fit slender woman. In terms of hair color I prefer dark brunette or blonde, and I will almost always go for a white girl with the occasional Asian. Sounds racist, but we all have these tendencies. That is not to say that any other race doesn’t have attractive women. I am just listing my preferences, honestly.

If a girl meets that, she then has to be incredibly intelligent. I say incredibly because, I have found that just intelligent doesn’t cut it. To list a fault of mine, on women who I feel are less intelligent than myself, I can become condescending, which only leads to problems. I like to be mentally challenged by the lady I am with, and if she can’t do that, she isn’t worth my time. I am a business man, and discuss economics and other topics regularly, and if you can’t discuss that with me, don’t bother it will only waste time for the both of us. The perfect woman has to be well read, up to date with the world, and sensible enough to stick to her guns and discuss a wide range of topics with me, at a cognitively elevated level.

Now that we have deemed the ideal women to have beauty and brains, she also cannot be religious in any sense. At an early age I renounced any faith that I ever held, if you could really say I held it at all, and have since been disgusted by overly religious people, Christians in particular. Their level of open mindedness is as open as a chastity belt from the dark ages. The ideal woman can be spiritual, but certainly cannot hold any beliefs that follow the major religions, or any other crazy religions that may be out there. She can’t rely on “god” to save her from any ill moments in her life, she needs to know that it is all on her.

Which brings me to another requirement. The perfect woman must be ambitious. When I ask the question where do you see yourself in 5, 10, 15 years, have a better answer than living with a rich guy. That just does not fly with me. If you are intelligent, independent, and sensible you will have an answer, and not have to ride on the coat tails of some man to get through life. Nothing makes you seem more worthless than saying you have no plan in life. I am perfectly ok with you not knowing what you want to do with your life, but please have a plan to find that out, and be working towards making yourself a better, more well versed person.

Those are the biggest things for me, but this is a blog about the nitty gritty and getting everything out on the table. I do not like tattoos, zero, I do not want to see any tattoos, markings, or alterations on your body. I also am not a fan of piercings beyond one piercing on each ear lobe, and definitely don’t make them big flashy earrings or hoops. I do not like belly button rings, or nose rings, just don’t do it. Do not smoke, anything, at all. Do not drink excessively, know your limits and do not exceed them. I prefer if you play volleyball, but that is not required, although you definitely have to be athletic. I also am a fan of dogs, so don’t say you don’t like dogs, or you are a cat person. Also, I like kids, and want kids when I get older. Kids of my own, I don’t want to adopt unless I have to. Being good at cooking is a bonus, but not required. Be willing to learn new things. Have a good relationship with you parents and family, and supportive friends, not overly possessive friends. Don’t be too crazy, or overly outgoing, that is a turn off for me. Enjoy modern style in interior design. Be clean and tidy. Don’t be too girly or too much of a tom boy. Enjoy the outdoors and the wonder it brings to life. Accept my love for extravagant cars, and my expensive taste. Be able to take a joke, and when I give you a hard time. It doesn’t mean I am mad, it means I am just having fun laughing at something. Be able to hold yourself when I am with high profile business people, but be down to earth to appreciate the small things in life.

Then there are the personality traits, be confident in who you are, you are beautiful no matter what anyone says, and you should always believe that. A bad body image only leads to bad things and fights. Be confident. Don’t worry about what you eat so much that it hinders your life, I very much enjoy a woman who isn’t picky and will try new foods, and who can chow down on a greasy hamburger as much as I do. Absolutely, positively, do not be passive aggressive, that will make me quite angry with you. I hate passive, snide, bitchy comments. If you have a problem with me bring it up to my face. If you have a problem at all, just be open and talk to me about it, I don’t like having to pry things out of you. Be independent, and self reliant. Don’t rely on substances, other people, or other things to justify yourself, your actions, or get through the tough times in life. That is something you have to dig deep for. I will be there to help you through the tough times, and I will do everything in my power to make you happy, but I can’t be the only thing in life to make you happy, you need to find it within you. Be yourself, don’t be fake. Be a happy person, first and foremost, just be happy and enjoy life. Accept that sometimes my work comes first.

That is my list, a long list by most standards, but it is the honest truth. That would be the perfect woman for me, and I have been close a few times, like with the love of my life, that sadly just resulted in a break up due to being 6,000 miles apart. She didn’t meet the whole list but she was close, and now every girl after her will have to face the list and those standards set.

This list wasn’t always this long, but as I dated I came to understand what works and doesn’t work with me, and now it is there. Is there a girl out there that can fit that list though, while still having that palpable, untold spark that makes everything amazing? Probably not. So am I justified in holding on to this list? Are us guys overly judgmental and picky about our women that it is leading to women trying to seek this impossible ideal, only to fall short and be lost in depression?

This is only the beginning, everything that I say after this will only get more real. I am going to call out every horrible aspect of relationships and the work it takes to take them to Hollywood romantic comedy status.