We’ve all heard it at one time or another, and we have all been guilty of it probably more than once. It stings every time we hear it, yet we so quickly forget all that pain once we can’t seem to “find” the time. There are many reasons why it is used on us, and a whole host of reasons why we use it ourselves. What I am talking about of course is that simple little phrase, “Sorry, I can’t, I’m too busy.” Oh how I hate to hear that phrase, true or not.
In our culture we have fetishized the idea that we are always busy, consumed in our lives so much so that we come to believe that we have become the worlds most famous and sought after celebrity. Entrepreneurs tout 100 hour work weeks, investment bankers turn to coke to stay alert at all ours to squeak out another million, fashion students inject their veins with the latest poetic name emblazoned upon a simple cup of joe. We have been trained to think that we are always busy, never a second for anyone but numero uno. Then we wonder why our dating life seems to slip right through our fingers, and the ones we cared about are laying butts to nuts with their new beau. Being busy is not always a good thing, but that is aside from the fact of what I want to get at.
I have some friends and significant others that will tell me they are too busy and can’t spare an extra 30 minutes to an hour to have a meaningful conversation, or grab a whiff from the coffee house down the street. A meal? HA! Never, who has time to eat with another person when we can eat by ourselves? People, plane and simple, if you want to make time for someone you can. Don’t lie to me, and for Pete’s sake don’t lie to yourself. You are only going to set yourself back in so many ways, and continue to wonder why every meaningful relationship you ever had disappeared without notice. Ring, ring, ring, Oh, hello this is reality calling to tell you, you are all alone. Where is your best friend? Oh I’m sorry she left a long time ago, didn’t you get the change of address form? Your wife? Didn’t you get the divorce forms, isn’t this your signature right here? That cute girl down the street? While you were buried knee deep in the paperwork of bullshit she found a guy that values her time. I think the point is clear, everyone is busy, but if you want to see success in relationships you have to actually take time to make time. If someone says they want to see you it means they are also taking the time out of their equally busy, and possibly more busy schedule to make it work with you. Pull your head out of your ass, and live in the moment.
Now, saying we are busy isn’t always something we do subconsciously while we are too involved with the person in the mirror. It is also something that we use as a defense mechanism, and as much as I hate the phrase, I am quite guilty of using it to get out of seeing someone. The fact is, it isn’t that I don’t want to see them, it is just that I don’t have the immediate urge to see them right now. As a simple let down, I will just deflect that I am too busy to make their day this time. Is this really the right thing to do though? As I said, everyone’s time is valuable, and if you are going to waste it by dicking around with their emotions, then what does that say about you? Nothing great that is for sure. You need to ask yourself why you are telling your potential significant other that you are busy. Do you just need a little break and some me time, or are you actually not interested? Really take the time to assess that. If the answer is the latter then let them go, you will both be more happy, even if it stings a bit at the onset. Plus, you’ll now be free for other, more compatible people in your life. Problem solved.
Be honest, you aren’t always busy. Perhaps not the best at time management, but definitely not always busy. Make time, and find your relationships flourish, and become more meaningful. Let go of those that you aren’t willing to take time for, shouldn’t be that hard. And of the last time, DON’T say you are busy!