How to Know You are in Love: The Quick and Dirty Guide

As discussed in earlier posts love is a weird thing, a hard thing, and what many to believe to be utterly mysterious. We never really know how it happens, or why, or when, but one day we wake up to our better half laying awkwardly next to us and it hits us, I love that multi-limbed, tongue wagging, bag of flesh. How do we know we are in love though, and it isn’t just last nights tacos giving us a fiery burning from within?

Reason #1:

There are people that we like, people that we thoroughly enjoy, and spend endless hours with, but that we don’t feel the butterflies flowing for. The first way to tell you are in love is the mythical “spark”. This is a phenomenon that is very hard to describe in the lack luster words that we can put on a page, but the best way to describe it, is you’ll just “know”. You get a special tingle in your toes every time the person looks your way. A smile cracks on your face when you think about how terrible you are at Jenga compared to them. Electricity flows through your veins like a firefly on a warm summers night. It is just that “special” feeling.

Reason #2:

You never have a subconscious need to not make time for them. Nothing is more important to you than the time that you get to spend with them. Those taxes undergoing an audit? Nah, no time for that, you must see your significant other. The words, “No, sorry I am too busy right now.” never come out of you mouth to them. Time is valuable to you, yes, but time with them is utterly priceless. You are in love, don’t waste another moment without them by your side.

Reason #3:

You strive to have new experiences with them. Routine is great, but the new and exciting is even better. Life has so many bounties to offer all 7 billion of us, but what makes every experience better? What really brings out the brightest colors of the wild flowers, the crystal clear air of the mountain spring, or the warm touch of the golden sand with a light breeze across your cheeks? Love. The new and the unknown is nothing without them entangling fingers with you, as soft light glistens in your eye.

Reason #4:

You want to be a better you. Not because they tell you to be better, or that they try and change anything about you, you are doing it because you want to be the DaVinci to their Mona Lisa. You are not satisfied with yourself until you they die happy. Satisfaction with yourself is not something that will ever come to you, but that doesn’t matter because you know you are only going to become better and better for the one you now know you love. To die happy, is to die with knowing you never wasted a minute making a better life for yourself and the one you cared most about.

Reason #5:

Your mind and your heart have no conflict. Your heart is swollen with emotion, they are perfect in your eyes, and your heart is ready to burst from the affection you have from them. Your mind, logical and never ending in thought, has no reservations. Every twist and turn in your deft cranium does not slip into a corner of darkness, hiding the thieves of love. The Venn Diagram between your heart and mind, make nothing but a circle. The arrow on the bulls-eye is split perfectly in twine by head and heart. Finally, take a coin. Heads you are in love, tails you are not. Flip the coin. As it rotates head over tail, shining in the light, what are you hoping for? Heads? Tails? Regardless of how the circular metal piece lands, you know your answer. What you hoped for in the air, gives you your answer, pure and unadulterated.

Take a minute for reflection, think about what you have just read. Was there someone you had in mind the whole time? If not, that is ok, you now know either what you have to do, or how you must move on. Stop convincing yourself you are in love, and move on, better to end it now than wallow in self pity and never truly be happy. If you did have that ever so special, delightful, and wonderful person in mind, then hats off to you good sir. You are ready to embark on what will likely be the most terrible, painful, and difficult journey you have ever experienced, but it will be magnificent and a memory carved in stone for eternity, more fanciful than any movie ever could portray.

You Are Not Always Busy, Stop Lying To Yourself

We’ve all heard it at one time or another, and we have all been guilty of it probably more than once. It stings every time we hear it, yet we so quickly forget all that pain once we can’t seem to “find” the time. There are many reasons why it is used on us, and a whole host of reasons why we use it ourselves. What I am talking about of course is that simple little phrase, “Sorry, I can’t, I’m too busy.” Oh how I hate to hear that phrase, true or not.

In our culture we have fetishized the idea that we are always busy, consumed in our lives so much so that we come to believe that we have become the worlds most famous and sought after celebrity. Entrepreneurs tout 100 hour work weeks, investment bankers turn to coke to stay alert at all ours to squeak out another million, fashion students inject their veins with the latest poetic name emblazoned upon a simple cup of joe. We have been trained to think that we are always busy, never a second for anyone but numero uno. Then we wonder why our dating life seems to slip right through our fingers, and the ones we cared about are laying butts to nuts with their new beau. Being busy is not always a good thing, but that is aside from the fact of what I want to get at.

I have some friends and significant others that will tell me they are too busy and can’t spare an extra 30 minutes to an hour to have a meaningful conversation, or grab a whiff from the coffee house down the street. A meal? HA! Never, who has time to eat with another person when we can eat by ourselves? People, plane and simple, if you want to make time for someone you can. Don’t lie to me, and for Pete’s sake don’t lie to yourself. You are only going to set yourself back in so many ways, and continue to wonder why every meaningful relationship you ever had disappeared without notice. Ring, ring, ring, Oh, hello this is reality calling to tell you, you are all alone. Where is your best friend? Oh I’m sorry she left a long time ago, didn’t you get the change of address form? Your wife? Didn’t you get the divorce forms, isn’t this your signature right here? That cute girl down the street? While you were buried knee deep in the paperwork of bullshit she found a guy that values her time. I think the point is clear, everyone is busy, but if you want to see success in relationships you have to actually take time to make time. If someone says they want to see you it means they are also taking the time out of their equally busy, and possibly more busy schedule to make it work with you. Pull your head out of your ass, and live in the moment.

Now, saying we are busy isn’t always something we do subconsciously while we are too involved with the person in the mirror. It is also something that we use as a defense mechanism, and as much as I hate the phrase, I am quite guilty of using it to get out of seeing someone. The fact is, it isn’t that I don’t want to see them, it is just that I don’t have the immediate urge to see them right now. As a simple let down, I will just deflect that I am too busy to make their day this time. Is this really the right thing to do though? As I said, everyone’s time is valuable, and if you are going to waste it by dicking around with their emotions, then what does that say about you? Nothing great that is for sure. You need to ask yourself why you are telling your potential significant other that you are busy. Do you just need a little break and some me time, or are you actually not interested? Really take the time to assess that. If the answer is the latter then let them go, you will both be more happy, even if it stings a bit at the onset. Plus, you’ll now be free for other, more compatible people in your life. Problem solved.

Be honest, you aren’t always busy. Perhaps not the best at time management, but definitely not always busy. Make time, and find your relationships flourish, and become more meaningful. Let go of those that you aren’t willing to take time for, shouldn’t be that hard. And of the last time, DON’T say you are busy!

Why Every Woman is Worthy of a Chase

It has been awhile since my last post, largely because I just moved into a new place and it has taken some time to get completely settled. I am back and ready to write now though, and I have a few interesting, if not evocative and controversial topics to talk about.

Let me begin with just a touch of interlude. Many friends of mine are utterly bewildered about the lack of effort that I put in to attract and “get” women, and still see enormous success every single time. It is truly a sight to see how swiftly and gracefully I pick up women. I have to admit it has come to the point where it is so easy, and one might say misogynistic, it is for me to attract women. Many times I will walk into a party, stand around talking with friends, or perhaps sitting at a stool enjoying a beer, quietly scouting the party for the best looking woman. I will then, quite literally point to her, motion for her to come over, make one move or say one ever rehearsed phrase and she is mine for the night. They are like sharks to blood, and all I have to do is jump into the ocean.

As interesting as this might seem, it does get quite boorishly boring. It is, without a doubt, a major ego boost when I can exude such little effort to get a woman, but where is the fun in that? The worth of a woman is in her words and actions, just as with a man. We are not worth much if we do not hold ourselves to a higher standard. Physicality aside, brains and wit hold far more weight in my mind when looking for an ideal mate.

Ladies, let me ask you this: would you like a guy more that can get you to swoon by the curl of his finger, and the chisel of his jaw, or one that shows his intellectual command of wit and chivalry? If you beckon with a bow and come running with eyes of stars are you ever going to be able to find a real man who will treat you like the soon to be queen that you are? 9 times out of 10, not a chance. Give a man a bit of a chase, make it even a smattering difficult, and with that you will find a man who is worth your bits. If not, be ready for a mediocre porking, and then go about your life with emptiness, pun intended. Ladies, us guys are well aware that sex is much more about the emotional connection for you, and it is better when you fully trust us, and have your muff made sufficiently wet by our wit and aplomb. Every woman is worth of a chase, and ever woman has something great to offer a man, whether she directly realizes it or not. Have some respect for yourselves ladies, I shouldn’t be able to point and tempt by a wag of the finger, at least not when it is in the air. Self respect, begets respect of self by others, use it with lavishness.

Guys let me ask you this: would you like the easiest girl at the party or do you want to show off your full artillery to what might be the woman of your dreams? Or at least the woman that will share your dreams that night. Deep down we are all alpha males, so going after a girl who is giving a strong chase, and making you work is fun, intellectually stimulating, and the bro points you will get from your buds is really going to make you look good if you can crack her code, along with her cherry. Let us be honest, as men we get bored easily if we are not constantly stimulated one way or another, so why would we ever settle for less than a strong, worthy woman. You know the sex will be better when you aren’t going Rocky on a cowhide, and you are actually making love to a muse.

Plain and simple give a little chase, give a lot of chase, but don’t give no chase at all. I’m bored, and I yearn for a woman that can match my prowess. Every god must battle for his goddess.

The Equation: 13 Steps to Make Your Significant Other Love you Forever

Many people think that love is something that just happens in some serendipitous manner. You think you will just find that special someone, have some amazing chemistry and have your fairy tale ending. I’m here to tell you that I don’t think that is completely true, and in many regards, a sure fire way to fail and live your life in a miserable state of malaise. I know how to fall in love, and I think there is a very specific equation for it. So specific, that in my last major relationship I even told her exactly when she would be most happy and we would fall in love, five months in advance. Yes, we were truly in love at the end of it. By no means am I saying it is easy to do, and by no means am I saying you aren’t going to have to work hard at it, but if you are ready for it I know how to make it happen. People are entirely predictable, creatures of habit if you will, and easy to read, there are plenty of psychological and physiological studies out there that support everything I am going to say.

I am not saying this to be crude, and say that you should do this as a way to play women. I do not condone that, for a reason you will see soon. What I am saying is far from it actually, I am saying that love is an amazing aspect of life, one you may struggle at, so just follow these steps. Forget everything you have heard about fractionation, or any other pickup artist technique. You can use that to pick up superfluous amounts of women, but this is all about the “one”, a connection far greater than 100 half ass one night stands. That connection with the one significant other who has stolen your heart, butterflies and all, and you think meets your “list”. Now it is your job not to mess it up, so without further ado here are the ways to make anyone fall in love with you. Tried, tested, and proven.

Once you have gone on a date, had your good time and are ready to go on to the second or maybe it is the third or fourth at this point this is when you can start making this soon to be loved one fall madly head over heals for you.

1. Talk, frequently and with substance for extended periods of time

There seems to be a popular adage that you shouldn’t go straight to talking with someone that you are interested in immediately following a date. They say to wait a few days and then schedule another date. I firmly disagree. Immediately after a date, the first thing that I do is wait a few minutes and send a text or message saying how great a time I had and how much I enjoyed their company, possibly picking out a specific attribute of the date. The next day I am not shy to pick up the phone and begin a text, e-mail, Facebook, etc. conversation. I might start with the simple “How are you doing?” or “Anything interesting happen today?” but I quickly dive in to questions with more substance. It is entirely possible to get into much deeper conversations much faster via electronic communication because there is not the in person, daunting barrier. That being said, I think it is very important to talk about personal stories, full of emotion and hand gestures, in person. Do not be afraid to have personal conversations early on though. This shows trust, and it really lets them know just how great of a person you are. Once you are in person again, this makes everything much more comfortable, and you can progress quickly to actions, sharing, and connections that bring you closer in a whole new way. I know having constant, substantive things to talk about isn’t always easy, and you may be afraid of progressing the conversation much too fast so I suggest these two sources. Memorize some of your favorite questions to ask and use it for all sorts of situations.

2. Compliment her on more than just looks, often, but not excessive

Sure, she is gorgeous, beautiful, sexy, dashing, stunning, hot, and magnificent. She is also much more than that though. Definitely compliment her on her looks, but do it maybe once every time you see her or talk to her. The best time to do this is either at the beginning of contact, in the middle of a romantic encounter, or at the end as you say goodbye to her. As I said though she is much more than her looks, and she better damn well know that you think so too. It reflects as much on her as it does you to pick out the specific nuances that make you love her so. The way she can solve a triple integral in her head, how she always knows exactly how you feel and how to make you smile, or how she is always dedicated to her dream to improve the lives of special needs children, these are all things you should compliment her on. The best thing to do here is show he just how well you have been listening, and really hit the aspects that you know she cares most about. Throw around too many physical compliments and not enough about her character and you are going to find yourself in hot water my friend. She isn’t stupid, and boy does she not want to be a booty call. So show her that you are just as much a man of substance as she is a woman of depth and intelligence.

3. Find out what her ambitions are and press her more on that

If she is a keeper she isn’t just meandering through life not knowing what she really cares about. Sure she might not know what she wants to do with her life in terms of a career, but I am positive that she knows exactly what she is willing to lay her life on the line for time and time again. Ask her. Go beyond just, “Oh, I am going to finish school for X degree” that isn’t what she really cares about. Why is she going for that degree? Where is her head at when she day dreams. You should know this. You should also care independently and deeply about helping her achieve her ambitions in anyway you can. This will really get her out of her shell and believing that you are the best man for her, and her the best woman for you.

4. Start inquiring about the skeletons in her closet, make her feel comfortable telling you secrets

Dig, get some answers and keep digging. What does she not want anyone to know? Everyone has skeletons in their closet, things that haunt them when they lay in bed at night. They question themselves, who they are, where they are headed, and if it is all worth it. Your objective is to find these aspects, peel them back, and do not wince at the worst of it. Show your strength to accept her for who she is, even if what lies beneath the surface may be terrible, horrendous, and downright unnerving. If she puts up a shield, and says she doesn’t want to talk about it, don’t be afraid to push till almost the point of break down. Emotions are powerful, and the chemicals released when someone trusts you completely really bring a bond closer. Also, start to do this within the first couple weeks. Don’t believe me? I think Whisper has something else to say about that. Not having secrets is powerful, vulnerable, and romantic.

5. Let her start to see the things that haunt you from your past, show vulnerability, show that you trust her in return

As I said before, this can’t be a one way street. If she is going to really love you, she can’t be guessing at what lies beneath. She will be assuming the worst, and you don’t want that, because, let’s be real, women assume things quickly. Clear up the haze, and tell her all. Do not do this without getting secrets from her first though! She might not be ready for you to start dumping your baggage on her, so this has to be something that is reciprocal. Go ahead, tell her you secretly love Project Runway, tell her you had a really dark place in middle school and considered the end, let her in on how much your family struggled to make ends meet, your brother that was in a coma, or your ingrained fear of failure. Be real with her and she will love you for that.

6. Hint at your overwhelming desire for her

Show her how much you care. Don’t come right out and say you love her though, that is a very powerful word. You can say you really, really….really like her though. Why is she unique? What separates her from every girl before? Don’t compare her to exes though, but tell her the unique aspects that only she alone possesses. You’ve never had more fun with anyone else? Tell her. Your stomach drops every time she looks you dead in the eye, tell her. Kiss her with more passion than Mel Gibson’s Passion of the Christ. Squeeze her till her eyes pop. Toe the line all the way up to saying the big L word and her heart is yours forever.

7. Make her contact you first for awhile, be patient, be very confident and independent

Are you always the one to contact her first? Well now is the time to stop. Right now she thinks she has you by the balls. You are at her beck and call, or at least she thinks. About time you show her that isn’t true, and get her to realize just how much she has fallen head over heals for you. Wait, very patiently for her to text you first. Don’t ask her out, let her plan something herself. Make her work for it, sorry ladies guys aren’t the only ones who should have to work in a relationship. Be confident that she really likes you, and show your independence by focusing on everything outside of the relationship. This is going to make her come crawling back to you time and time again, and she won’t ever think you are a commodity.

8. Spend more time together, don’t go too many days without seeing each other

The objective here is to keep the fire alive, keep putting fodder to the flames and don’t let it burn out. This means you should be seeing her every couple days at the least, and the more and more you can see each other in various situations the better. Don’t forget to save time for cuddling at night, and remember use sex as the icing on the cake not the main contributor to physical and emotional connection. If you end up going a week, two weeks, three weeks between seeing one another, things are going to go cold and you have to start the fire over again. Don’t give her time to think you aren’t interested, keep that spark coming, and there will be an enormously powerful connection. You become part of her everyday life, and that is important.

9. Start to incorporate her into more parts of your life, friends, family, hometown, hobbies, etc.

She isn’t going to love you until she is a part of your life, and not just one piece to the puzzle but connected to all other pieces. Introduce her to all of your friends and be proud of her, show her off, and make everyone jealous that you have the greatest woman out there. Get the parental approval, that is vital if you ever want it to continue to something more like marriage. Getting everyone in on it will only cement things. Show her where you grew up, that little red house on the corner, yup that is where you lost your first tooth. The jail of a high school next to the farm over there, that is where you came to be who you are, awkward pimples and all. Then what do you do outside of work and when you are with her? I hope you have some hobbies and interests that you care about. Teach her photography, take her to your favorite spot to over look the city, go out and play volleyball with her, hold her up while she slips and slides around the ice rink. What makes you happy, will only make her more happy when you share it with her. Relationships are about growth, do it.

10. Become a fixture in her life, make her friends, family, colleagues love you, aid her in her hobbies and passions, be her rock

Just as you make her apart of all aspects of your life, you want to become a big part of hers. When you get the best friend approval, everything becomes so much easier, and if she has a good relationship with her parents, and they treat you like a son, you are in. No amount of anything else can help make sure you are going to be the love of her life like getting that approval. Learn about what she loves and make yourself a part of that. Learn from her and everything she has to offer to you and make that a piece of your life as well. Be the model of acceptance.

11. Hint at a more long term future together

Love is everlasting, or so they say. Telling your significant other it is, on the other hand is a sure fire way to make her truly mad for you. Plan things months in advance, hit at moving in together and living side by side for ever and ever. Don’t get on the knee just yet, but when you have the chance talk about the places you would love to live, where you want to travel with them, what you want for the future. If your significant other knows where his is headed, and knows that you want her in your future, she isn’t going anywhere. Don’t go crazy naming the child, and talking about how your grandmother always wanted you wife to have a water birth, but do start making her a part of your future in small ways.

12. Do unique, random, and special things for her on important dates, go over the top and out of the box

Valentine’s day, her birthday, Christmas or other winter holidays, New Year’s, etc. make it special, make it unique, and don’t be afraid to show the extent of your romantic chops. Come out guns blazing and knock her socks so far off that the international space station can see them floating in space. Don’t stop at just the holidays though. Good day at work, bring on the rose petal laden floor, candles, and 5 star dinner cooked by you complete with the Notebook or American Psycho if that is her thing (true story). Everyday is a special day with the one you love, and should be treated as such. Thoughtfulness is not wasted on the smitten.

13. Tell her you love her, endlessly and without condition

Lucky number 13. It is time my friend, time to spell out that small yet ever powerful 4 letter word, L O V E. Tell her just how much you love her, and mean it with every fiber of your being. Look her dead in the eye, gaze deep into her soul, and put the gasoline on the fire with the words “I love you!” She is forever yours at this point, and should be treated as the princess and soon to be queen that she is, do not, and I repeat, do not abuse the unending trust and belief she has in you. If you get this far, and I know you will, cherish every second.

Remember, by no means should these techniques be used on any women just for the sake of it. You have to be in love with her, deeply, madly, head over heals, unending, and unconditionally. Absolutely, under no circumstances should you use this to use women, or make them love you if you cannot return the feeling. A few years ago, just to see if I could, I may have done the thing that I regret more than anything in my life. For some sadistic reason, I found a girl online, began talking to her and wanted to see how fast I could make her fall in love. This is without any physical contact whatsoever, purely by text and phone conversations. I did everything step for step, one month later she said the words and could not have cared more for me. I did not share the same feeling, and I had to tell her the truth and break it off. I have never seen someone so crushed and angry in my life. For that reason I am dearly sorry and will forever repent for the crime against the female race that I have committed. Again, I repeat, never, ever, EVER use this except to have the one you love fall in love with you and live happily ever after. Never…

A Word: Love, miraculously described in text Part 2

Some say when the mind connects with the heart there is no greater love on this earth. My soul began to connect the two and what no one had ever been able to tell before, was something I realized. The stuff of legends, that people dream of but never seek and achieve. As this completed I neared the top, the summit that I had strove for, for so long to reach. The light on the other side exploded in a blinding power. Everything seemed to slow, my breathe began to wain, my heart slowed, and my eyes fluttered to darkness. I stood not knowing where I was and began to fall back, floating down, gently. My lungs took in no more air, my heart would beat no longer, and the black clouds engulfed me. When my eyes fluttered open I was in an other worldly place. The lady of the mountain was face to face with me, floating in this dream state. Her soft voice, spoke the words, “I love you”. Torn and bleeding from the climb I returned the words, with no sense of tarnish, no ill. Again, everything went black and I crashed back into the mountain, but black it never would remain. 

Some say I was the man of legends that bound with the woman of the mountain to become one. I was the one who found the secret to the grand essential to happiness in this life, but it came with my death. The myth of my death some believe, but that is not true love unless it is apparent that I still live on. The greatest happiness ever was found and still exists to this day. The reason, all those who embark on the same climb will find. Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies, and now it is a single soul, a single love, and a single happiness that was once two bodies, now composed of one mountain, together in the revels of the climb. The climb, is what I hope for

A Word: Love, miraculously described in text Part 1

I’ve been talking a bit about what love is, and I realized it is often very hard to really know if you are in love or not. Here is my allegorical explanation to hopefully express the exact emotions that are felt while in love. It may not be complete, nor the best description, but it is all I can do with the words that are given to us.

Roland Barthes probably put it best, “To try and write love is to confront the muck of language: that region of hysteria where language is both too much and too little, excessive and impoverished.” That hysteria began with Joseph Addison’s three grand essentials to happiness in this life: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.

My something to do began at the base of a deadly mountain, chilling in the shadow of the day, blistering with its roar, and ravage with its wispy nails cutting through your skin from the days of hardened defense. This mountain was like none other in the world, millions had attempted it throughout the history of the human race, but only few had ever reached the summit. Some have said the mountain can see within your soul, and if there is not clarity between your mind and heart, death will be your fate. With this in mind I set each foot one after another into the glossy flakes of ice beneath. Empty air slithered into my lungs and grabbed at me.

The base where I was just an hour before, turned black and appeared to disappear away. Stunned I gazed beyond the windows of my mind, a hook seemed to be deep within my heart pulling away everything I had ever felt. Hesitantly I took a few more steps. All of me felt heavy as I sank into the powder. All the white, washed over my eyes. I awoke floating away from the crater in the snow I had just left. Nothing had ever felt this way deep within, my mind was airy, but my heart was light. After that there was nothing but the mountain, and a climb to fill my heart of something greater than myself.

In the first day I had made it a minuscule way up. Loneliness set in as the first night approached. Only embers from the fire kept warmth to my body. Very little flame ever glittered away from the ashes, the source that was the mountain kept its hold upon the throat of the fire. Every story I heard was true, and the rest of this summit was only to get harder. Yearning the next morning from the dream I had while asleep in the snowy mountain, I began to furiously climb. Only briefly would I stop to catch my breathe. Unknown to me at the beginning of my journey was that this mountain was not a wild animal, or beast from mythical stories, but a lady. A lady of the greatest nature, the chilling wind was like her dark flowing hair, the snow like the softness of her skin, and the rocks like the strength she had to control you, death or life. Days and days went by, the lady of the mountain threw her fortitude at me, and my heart began to fall in love with the challenge and the grace.

A barrier of thick dark clouds still stood within my sight and the tip of the mountain. I fought with ever part of the mountain. Tears from the blinding snow would freeze on my cheek, and each crevice would daunt my hope to continue further. My heart began to fill, even with my mind more cautious than ever, protecting me from every bend in the slim curves of the woman beneath. As each day was a challenge more unlike the previous day, I soon found my something to love. Each night I held dreams of this mountain, with the tender woman beneath the raging facade. I awoke each morning with great strength throughout. My love for the mountain grew, and my mind became more at ease with the treacherous cliffs and slippery grains beneath my footwear. Weeks passed and it was as if I danced upon the curves and twists of the young lady, making my way towards the dark clouds that were chopping off the view to the peak.

Shortly afterward, I began my assent into the darkness that guarded the summit. Black waves ensued, crashing into my core. Turquoise lightning struck, and I felt I could see the eyes of the mountain, fear striking within me. All the while my mind still lay caution to my heart, of the harm that lay ahead. The peak grew in my sight, and what seemed to be the light from a burning white sun, lay just beyond the other side. Naturally, love is a most distant possibility. That held true as the peak never seemed to get closer. I tried and I fell, tumbling down tearing my skin on the exposed rock, many times I could not reach the top.

I lay one night, and again I had a dream, this dream gave the key to achieving the summit, but in the dream that key would mean the death of me. My final assent to the top would be this day. The cold of below left, and a heat and sharpness began tearing away the bonds I had on for the piercing cold. Finally, I had found what I could hope for, with my mind letting down its final defense it molded with my heart in the love for this mountain, my heart felt something great, and my mind was more clear than ever. What I could hope for was to reach the summit with a heart and mind full of love.

This One Aspect is the Greatest Paradox of Love

I implore you to imagine the greatest love that you have ever experienced. I realize not all of us have truly experienced deep, seemingly endless, and soul fulfilling love. Some of you may be young, and yet to experience any sort of love whether it be a summer romance or a shy crush, others, hardened by the battle that love is, potentially left wrought with an end left wanting. For those of you that have not been through heart swelling love, connected through endless parlay of evocative exchange, imagine the love that you might have for your mother, father, sibling, stuffed animal, or most loving pet. That love you see in every romance film, perfect. Imagine that feeling of utter bliss, the cloud that left you floating above the grime the world throws at you. Beautiful isn’t it? Now I want you to continue that thought to the time when all of that, like the last placement of a block in Jenga, came toppling, end over end leaving you emotionally numb and forever scarred. Every fiber of your being longs endlessly for what was just lost. You lay helplessly by the death bed of your amore. Love has an evil mistress, and it brings about the greatest roller coaster ride of emotions that we experience in life. The highest highs and the lowest lows. The issue with love, just like a drug you build a tolerance to, you must keep injecting yourself with more and more to reach new highs. When you go cold turkey though, you may not surface for days, pounded by the depression of a love lost. Emotional withdrawal. That leaves us the great paradox of love, to get the most out of it you must love equal or more than the other person in the relationship. The problem though, is that whoever loves less has the greatest power in the relationship, and won’t be crushed endlessly like Sisyphus under a boulder of heartbreak. Unfortunately, they won’t ever be the most joyous either.

You may argue that in fact you can love fully and completely and get the most out of it, while refraining from getting hurt or constantly wondering if and when this great relationship is going to end, but lets be real, that is near impossible. After we have been through this process a couple times and experiencing “love” and losing it for one reason or another, you get scars and become much more guarded and hardened.

Love stinks, the paradox of love and life and how the ones you love the most only hurt you more.

Love stinks

Finding love becomes harder and harder as it becomes a terrible process for you to let go of the past and to ultimately let go of the control of the relationship. You may be wondering why I keep saying that. Let’s think about it for a second. If you are able to remain more detached, or simply just less enthralled with the other person you can keep the relationship in your court so to speak. You can choose when you want to see them, what to talk about, how you communicate, how close they get to you, and how close you get to them. They don’t occupy your brain running around exhausted and defeated like rat in a maze that has no exit. In many respects it is like getting a small love buzz, but never becoming drunk to avoid the untimely hangover the next morning. In the eyes of the other person things are great, they are completely infatuated with you, and their heart is yours completely. That means you can manipulate them till your heart is content, and they are the one trying everything to make you happier and happier. Your loved one might give up sleep, food, friendship, ambition, and more just to see you happy. You may only occasionally return the favor, but they are stuck on you, and there is nothing they can do to change that. I know. You have the power. If things start to go south you have all the capabilities to remain removed emotionally and cut it off when the going gets tough. It becomes purely business, a transaction of emotion. That isn’t really love though, no matter how enjoyable you might think it is. Sure, when the relationship ends you are able to rebound quickly and find another “lover” but how long can you keep that up? Eventually there will be some emptiness inside you, dark and dank, yearning for more. However, you have the control when someone loves you more than you them, everything is on your terms, and little effort is required. Your mind, and your being is left to care for many more aspects of life, a trade off that might prove valuable. Who is really enjoying this process more though? Is anyone enjoying it as much as they can? Probably not. ]Although, that is not to say that enjoyment is not felt, as I can attest, it very much is. What I am talking about is the peaks and the valleys though. Highs are only experienced by seeing lows, and higher highs are only compared in such that the lows are in respect so much lower. Our level of happiness, in many respects is a function of how great our previous low of depression and self loathing was. This is why love is other worldly, and lust is merely great. Although, “great” can be enjoyed for a very long.

The second side of the paradox though, the side where you find the most amazing feeling any human can feel, with deep true love, can also be a double edged sword. You want to go into a relationship thinking that it will last forever, it probably won’t, especially if you are young. That will crush you, and it may not even be the other persons fault, it could have been a death, unfortunate circumstances, or just a timing issue. Continuing to give your all though will have amazing results when it comes to love. As soon as you love more than the other person, and are more fully devoted, you are the one who will all of a sudden be left helpless. Begging and grasping at what once existed, perhaps for years and years, will do nothing, and you will be left with shambles of a once outstanding relationship.

Paradox of love, you can certainly hurt even more after loving so much it hurts, because then it will end.

I disagree.

Looking back on that time you will learn an enormous amount, about yourself, about others, life, experience, emotions, everything. I have not denied the amount of pain you will feel though, for a very long time. Life is not a romantic comedy where everything will be hunky dory, nor is it a pornographic film where you can go from one person to the next with minimal emotion. Life is so much in between, and that is the greatest part. The question of this all becomes, what matters most to you, and are you willing to accept each set of consequences whether you love less or more? Do you want to learn the true depths of your inner self, and experience utter dejection, or do you want to never experience the dark corners of what lays within your psyche, but only be graced with glimpses of self discovery and growth? Do you like who you are right now, because that is going to change greatly one way or another if you make the wrong choice. Puzzling isn’t it? Even scary and overwhelming perhaps?

Right now, I would say I am one who loved and lost as you can see from my previous posts, and I am the one loving less in all my relationships now. This ensures that I stay in control of everything that happens and if a girl leaves my life, not a problem, life moves on. Without a doubt I am having a good time doing this, and am experiencing many different people, emotions, and moments that I will never forget. Late at night, on the few occasions when I have no one around me, like now, I think about having love again, and how perfect my life felt in so many ways. Often times I would give everything to go back to the first 6 months of that whole process. Alas, it is not my time to board that train, and quite likely not my time for awhile. This is the great paradox of love. As many singers and songwriters have said, love stinks. They keep singing about it though. To have the best love, and happiest life you must devote everything, mind, body, soul, self, time, as anything in life requires. To be hurt the least, and be able to move on faster, you have to commit less, and get less out of it. You can’t have your cake and eat it to, you will hurt one way or another, but you must choose what is right for you.