The Check List: Women aren’t the only ones who make them

The “check list” that little piece of paper or mental construction of the perfect mate. Every guy knows that each girl he will come in contact with has that list, and she will check it twice to make sure if he is naughty or nice. Let us be real though, guys have the same type of list. It might happen to have a few more notes on there that relate directly to the physical traits of the one sitting across the soft candle lit table, but any guy looking for love has many other items on the list that will make or break any legitimate chance the unsuspecting woman has in producing his offspring.

Guys, I know what you are thinking, “Yeah right, guys don’t have a list like that, that is for women only.” Right, sure it is. Maybe we just don’t think about it as black and white as the opposite sex, but it is definitely there. Let me pose this scenario for you, you are a mega jock, perhaps an average IQ at best, into everything sports, macho, and sweaty. You like to be the alpha dog, and you are the big name quarter back from your college. Enter, a lovely, sophisticated lady, independent, very intelligent, and doesn’t care what so ever about the fact that you can bench her and her friend combined. She reads the Wall Street Journal every morning, while you flip through the latest edition of Sports Illustrated. This lady is potentially not the most beautiful and is disgusted by the alcohol on your breathe while passing through the quad. You are not going to choose this young lass as the one you repopulate the earth with. That long legged, busty blonde on the cheer squad? Yeah, you are bedding her tonight. That girl meets your list, the smart lady doesn’t. However, for that soon to be CPA at Deloitte, with the well groomed dark hair, and the sharp square glasses, the busty blonde doesn’t cut it, he wants miss independent. Again, that meets his list.

Fifty Shades of Grey cover photo

Fifty Shades of Grey

So guys, now tell me you haven’t thought about the perfect woman. Let me get to my next fact though, what are the chances that you will ever find that perfect woman? I have been thinking about this quite a lot recently, and I admittedly hold high standards for the women that I date. Some guys might hold unbelievably high physical standards, others might hold incredibly high standards of integrity and career prospects, so are we destined to forever have to settle. That might be the case. So let me list my list, and we shall begin our discussion.

First thing I look for in any woman is physical attraction. Let’s be real, no matter how much we say that looks really don’t matter, it does. Women, that goes for you too. You aren’t going to give some acne faced geek, with no muscles a second look when there is a heard of handsome, 18 inch biceps, square jawed men headed your way. This may be different from person to person, but it is there none the less. I like my woman to have a nice face, athletic, fit, and generally pretty slender. Don’t give me that look like I am looking for a disgustingly thin super model, I do not condone unhealthy treatment of your body to fit an impossible image. However, I do like someone who can match my level of fitness and health, that is what I find attractive. Big breasts or not, that doesn’t so much matter to me, callipygian or not, I just look for the fit slender woman. In terms of hair color I prefer dark brunette or blonde, and I will almost always go for a white girl with the occasional Asian. Sounds racist, but we all have these tendencies. That is not to say that any other race doesn’t have attractive women. I am just listing my preferences, honestly.

If a girl meets that, she then has to be incredibly intelligent. I say incredibly because, I have found that just intelligent doesn’t cut it. To list a fault of mine, on women who I feel are less intelligent than myself, I can become condescending, which only leads to problems. I like to be mentally challenged by the lady I am with, and if she can’t do that, she isn’t worth my time. I am a business man, and discuss economics and other topics regularly, and if you can’t discuss that with me, don’t bother it will only waste time for the both of us. The perfect woman has to be well read, up to date with the world, and sensible enough to stick to her guns and discuss a wide range of topics with me, at a cognitively elevated level.

Now that we have deemed the ideal women to have beauty and brains, she also cannot be religious in any sense. At an early age I renounced any faith that I ever held, if you could really say I held it at all, and have since been disgusted by overly religious people, Christians in particular. Their level of open mindedness is as open as a chastity belt from the dark ages. The ideal woman can be spiritual, but certainly cannot hold any beliefs that follow the major religions, or any other crazy religions that may be out there. She can’t rely on “god” to save her from any ill moments in her life, she needs to know that it is all on her.

Which brings me to another requirement. The perfect woman must be ambitious. When I ask the question where do you see yourself in 5, 10, 15 years, have a better answer than living with a rich guy. That just does not fly with me. If you are intelligent, independent, and sensible you will have an answer, and not have to ride on the coat tails of some man to get through life. Nothing makes you seem more worthless than saying you have no plan in life. I am perfectly ok with you not knowing what you want to do with your life, but please have a plan to find that out, and be working towards making yourself a better, more well versed person.

Those are the biggest things for me, but this is a blog about the nitty gritty and getting everything out on the table. I do not like tattoos, zero, I do not want to see any tattoos, markings, or alterations on your body. I also am not a fan of piercings beyond one piercing on each ear lobe, and definitely don’t make them big flashy earrings or hoops. I do not like belly button rings, or nose rings, just don’t do it. Do not smoke, anything, at all. Do not drink excessively, know your limits and do not exceed them. I prefer if you play volleyball, but that is not required, although you definitely have to be athletic. I also am a fan of dogs, so don’t say you don’t like dogs, or you are a cat person. Also, I like kids, and want kids when I get older. Kids of my own, I don’t want to adopt unless I have to. Being good at cooking is a bonus, but not required. Be willing to learn new things. Have a good relationship with you parents and family, and supportive friends, not overly possessive friends. Don’t be too crazy, or overly outgoing, that is a turn off for me. Enjoy modern style in interior design. Be clean and tidy. Don’t be too girly or too much of a tom boy. Enjoy the outdoors and the wonder it brings to life. Accept my love for extravagant cars, and my expensive taste. Be able to take a joke, and when I give you a hard time. It doesn’t mean I am mad, it means I am just having fun laughing at something. Be able to hold yourself when I am with high profile business people, but be down to earth to appreciate the small things in life.

Then there are the personality traits, be confident in who you are, you are beautiful no matter what anyone says, and you should always believe that. A bad body image only leads to bad things and fights. Be confident. Don’t worry about what you eat so much that it hinders your life, I very much enjoy a woman who isn’t picky and will try new foods, and who can chow down on a greasy hamburger as much as I do. Absolutely, positively, do not be passive aggressive, that will make me quite angry with you. I hate passive, snide, bitchy comments. If you have a problem with me bring it up to my face. If you have a problem at all, just be open and talk to me about it, I don’t like having to pry things out of you. Be independent, and self reliant. Don’t rely on substances, other people, or other things to justify yourself, your actions, or get through the tough times in life. That is something you have to dig deep for. I will be there to help you through the tough times, and I will do everything in my power to make you happy, but I can’t be the only thing in life to make you happy, you need to find it within you. Be yourself, don’t be fake. Be a happy person, first and foremost, just be happy and enjoy life. Accept that sometimes my work comes first.

That is my list, a long list by most standards, but it is the honest truth. That would be the perfect woman for me, and I have been close a few times, like with the love of my life, that sadly just resulted in a break up due to being 6,000 miles apart. She didn’t meet the whole list but she was close, and now every girl after her will have to face the list and those standards set.

This list wasn’t always this long, but as I dated I came to understand what works and doesn’t work with me, and now it is there. Is there a girl out there that can fit that list though, while still having that palpable, untold spark that makes everything amazing? Probably not. So am I justified in holding on to this list? Are us guys overly judgmental and picky about our women that it is leading to women trying to seek this impossible ideal, only to fall short and be lost in depression?

This is only the beginning, everything that I say after this will only get more real. I am going to call out every horrible aspect of relationships and the work it takes to take them to Hollywood romantic comedy status.


3 thoughts on “The Check List: Women aren’t the only ones who make them

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